Social panorama diagnostic patterns:

Description
Jenny is an intelligent and communicative person of 42 years. She formulated her goal as to leave her negative, dominating father behind her. She had difficulty in drawing full attention to herself, especially in situations where she was leading important meetings.

Therapeutic process.
In contrast to what one would expect from her description of: Wanting to leave her father behind her… she said not to notice him in front of her but directly behind her, he was big and was critical en negative way. He was looking down on her. So we had to conclude that she wanted him further away behind her and he needed to be lower and smaller.

By experimenting with a memory of a recent meeting, where she felt the problem, it appeared that she had difficulty in being aware of her self image. Her kinaesthetic self was in a regular location in her chest, but from there no image was visible. We had to conclude that her self image was either failing or blocked out some way. (Just like in the above Case 1 a positive self image was constructed.) When she experienced a positive self image, this caused a strong positive emotion. After trying to connect her kinaesthetic self to this newly constructed positive self image, this proved to be rather difficult. We had to conclude that exactly this was the core of the problem. She had a dissociated self; here it manifested itself by her experiencing the picture separated from the feeling. The picture was called ‘she’ and the feeling ‘me’.

This seemed to be rooted in the relation with her father, as she already new from other therapies. We left the logic of this link alone.

Jenny had to improve her father personification in order to improve the relation. She found that she needed to transfer the ability to ‘come to himself’ to him. He was a boy who lost his father at early age, and whose looks were so similar to his father that his mother and other woman in de family were very fond of him. He seems to have represented his father to them, as his reincarnation in a way.

So Jenny’s father received the ability to ‘come to himself’ and also the realisation that he was Tommy, and no one else. A considerable amount of time was used for up-dating her image of her father with the aid of the two resources. Next Jenny envisioned her parents meeting each other again, and forming a revised relationship. When Jenny imagined herself to be in the womb, she could feel a strong feeling of relaxation, she said. The above mentioned resources had changed her father into a good father. Jenny took a long time to enjoy her alternative youth. The fatherly care had improved a lot.

Still the self image and the self feeling did not connect automatically. So we had to look at that separately. On the timeline, Jenny could see that this dissociative split had occurred after her second year of age or so. So I had her to meet herself at the age of one. The question: What resource would have helped you to stay a whole, and not split of this part, received a swift answer. She had needed safety and comfort. These resources were easy to retrieve from her personal life experience; she had given these frequently to others. Now she was asked to imagine give these to herself as a one year old. She did so, and could step into herself and receive these resources. Next, she walked with the resources within her, into the future.

When she arrived in the here and now, she was immediately able to sense the effect. Now we could test the relation between the self image en the self feeling.

The two core element of the self experience seemed to have united. It took some time to future pace and contextualize this result. In the end it was clear that a mayor step forward was made. The exact implications were could not be fully overseen. But there was no reason to doubt that these will be positive.

Lucas Derks

 

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I had lost myself